Services
Services Offered
Caring for a Dying Animal
Caregiving
Anticipatory and Realized Grief and Loss
Children and Grief
Opening to Additional Relationships
Supporting Friends Through Loss
Just Listen
BitterSweet offers the following services throughout the US by phone and email, and in-person consultations throughout Marin, Napa and Sonoma Counties in California:
- Phone and email consultations to provide information about caring for animals in the dying process and communicating with your chosen veterinary clinic
- In-home consultations for managing care, such as dealing with incontinence, hygiene issues and monitoring changes in their animal’s behavior to better understand the effects of multiple medications and in their animal’s process
- Information and education about what might be expected during the dying process
- Support in making the best decisions for yourself and your animal regarding the natural dying process and euthanasia
- Lending Library/Suggested Reading with books covering a wide range of topics, including the human-animal bond, the nature of grief, and animal behavior
- Grief Support Night that provides a safe, nonjudgmental setting for everyone to have and express their feelings and share their experiences. This is also a good event for those who anticipate a loss to attend for support and practical care management ideas.
- Grief Recovery Classes (Lou Leet is the certified instructor for these classes)
- Grief Recovery Institute Class includes reading, written exercises and discussion.
- Degriefing incorporates yoga and light bodywork into the grief recovery process.
- When Children Grieve, for adults assisting children through loss, includes reading, written exercises and discussion (a Grief Recovery Institute class).
These classes are available throughout the United States.
Consulting services for veterinary clinics to assist in effectively and efficiently communicating with clients who are in the midst of the emotional turmoil and shock of losing their animal.
BitterSweet offers education about end-of-life and long-term care options, including:
• What to expect during the natural dying process
• The nature of pain and pain control
• Incontinence and immobility
• Euthanasia (when, how, where)
We provide a non-judgmental environment where your concerns can be addressed and your difficult questions can be answered. We encourage everyone to make informed decisions that will create the best-case results for themselves and their animal.
Email and Telephone Consultations
If you’d like to arrange a telephone or email consultation, please contact us. While we try to answer calls and emails in real time, we are not funded at this time and may not be able to return your call for a few hours. Please be sure to leave your name, your phone number and the best time to reach you. Phone consultations generally run 20-30 minutes, and although we do not consider ability to pay when providing services, a donation of $30 is suggested.
In-Home Consultation
BitterSweet offers in-home consultations in Sonoma and Marin Counties (California). If you’d like to arrange a home visit, please email or call us. A donation of $50 is suggested.
Monthly Support Night
Our Monthly Support Night is also a good place to share your feelings and to get information about the dying process and caregiving. Many times sharing our experiences provides ideas for how to manage the practical aspects of caring for our animals. The locations of the Support Night vary, please call (707) 965-9304 for information. Donations are appreciated.
BitterSweet offers in-home consulting and caregiving assistance within Sonoma and Marin Counties. For other locations, we offer telephone and email consultations to help manage the practical aspects of caring for your animal. We encourage active participation between caregivers and their chosen veterinarians to develop a safe, loving environment for animals and their human families.
Ongoing caregiving may, at times, seem overwhelming. Some people experience feelings of anxiety, anger, impatience, guilt, and loneliness. It is not uncommon that a caretaker may become so exhausted from taking care of their animal and sacrificing themselves that they become less stable in providing for both themselves and their animal. In order to provide genuine, loving care for their animal, caregivers are generally best served by finding ways and resources to take care of themselves in concert with caring for their animal.
In working with clients over the past few years, we’ve discovered and adopted techniques that often provide relief for caregivers so that they can have better quality time with their animals. There are many techniques available, and we work with each client as an individual and find the combination of techniques that help them be present with their animal.
We understand that the pressures of jobs and families and other obligations may strain a caregiver. BitterSweet provides both practical and moral support for caregivers through email, telephone and in-home consultations (Marin, Napa and Sonoma Counties). Our Monthly Support Night is also a good resource for information and to ease unnecessary isolation.
Phone/Email Consultations
Phone consultations may alleviate anxiety around anticipated loss and caregiving, especially for caregivers of newly diagnosed patients. Phone consultations generally range from 20 to 45 minutes, and although we provide consultation without consideration for the ability to pay, a suggested donation of $30 is appreciated. Please note that we are a newly formed organization, and that we try to return calls within a few hours, but we have no major funding at this point and must work regular jobs. Please leave a message with your phone number, and we’ll return your call as soon as we possibly can.
In-Home Consultation and Support
BitterSweet offers in-home consultations and practical support in Marin and Sonoma Counties (California). We can assist with implementing instructions from your veterinarian, help deal with matters around incontinence and immobility, and other practical aspects of caring for your animal in your home. Sometimes it is just helpful to have an extra hand when dealing with long-term care, or with whom you can speak candidly about the dying process or your own caretaking challenges. If you’d like to make an appointment, please call for more information. A donation of $50 is suggested.
Knowing that losing a loved one is on the horizon may make it difficult to stay in the moment and to genuinely and lovingly care for an animal while they are still here with us. It may feel like there is pressure to “make a decision.” It may feel too difficult to face the upcoming reality of loss on a daily basis. After losing an animal, many feelings may come up, or there may be a numbness, or there may be conflicting feelings.
BitterSweet offers a Monthly Support Night for anyone who anticipates loss, has experienced a loss, or is providing care to an animal. We also provide grief recovery services and classes that provide tools to support the grieving process.
Monthly Support Night
BitterSweet offers a respectful community for remembering those who have passed, and for those experiencing grief around recent, past or anticipatory loss. If you are anticipating a loss and are a caregiver, this is a wonderful opportunity to learn from others’ experiences and to ask questions. The first Tuesday of each month, we facilitate a meeting in San Rafael, California open to everyone. It is a safe place to simply have your feelings, express your feelings if you like, and exchange information about experiences with the dying process. We ask that everyone consider everything said during the evening to be confidential. There is no charge for Tuesday Nights – donations are appreciated. Please call for locations and times.
Phone/Email Consultations
Phone consultations may alleviate anxiety around anticipated loss and caregiving, especially for caregivers of newly diagnosed patients. Phone consultations generally range from 20 to 45 minutes, and although we provide consultation without consideration for the ability to pay, a suggested donation of $30 is appreciated. Please leave a message with your phone number, and we’ll return your call as soon as we possibly can.
Grief Recovery
Our Grief Recovery Series provides a healing method that empowers grievers to have all of the memories of the relationship without constantly reliving the painful feelings associated with the loss of that relationship. As impossible as that may seem, we have found that this method, developed by the Grief Recovery Institute, is effective. For a schedule of workshops, please see our Schedule of Events.
BitterSweet offers a program in association with The Grief Recovery Institute. This is an educational program for adults dealing with children who have experienced an overwhelming loss, which may be the loss of a pet. The purpose of this program is to support you in guiding the child through completion of their relationship to the pain, isolation and loneliness caused by significant emotional loss. Please see our Events page for dates of classes, and call for additional support.
Opening to Additional Relationships
By providing loss support and recovery services, we help people find the best decisions for themselves about if and when to open their hearts and homes to another creature. Each relationship is unique, each healing is unique, and each decision around new (relationships cannot be replaced) relationships is unique.
For some, opening their home to another animal may complement the healing process. For others, it may not be possible to bond with an animal while grieving the loss of a loved one.
We help people look at different options for seeing if they’re interested and open to new relationships, including looking at fostering and volunteering at animal-related organizations.
If you would like to help someone who is experiencing loss or has experienced loss, BitterSweet suggests the following.
Rather than surprising them with an animal, listen to them to see if they are open to the possibility of an additional relationship with an animal. There is no possibility of replacing the relationship they had with the animal they lost. A griever may not be able to bond with another animal until they are complete with their grieving process. If they are open to bringing another animal into their home, be prepared to support them in finding their way in forming a relationship with the animal.
Most of us have been trained to try to “fix” emotionally difficult situations. Grief is a normal reaction to loss, and there really isn’t anything to “fix.” It may be a painful experience. Rather than saying words that we’ve been trained to say when we’re uncomfortable with someone else’s pain, such as “I know how you feel,” or “he’s in a better place,” or “you can get another animal,” we suggest that you simply listen. If being around someone else’s pain is too difficult for you, we encourage you to express how difficult the situation is for you, ask if you can call them at some specific time in the future, and then do what you need to in order to take care of your self.
Of all the things we do to try to help people ease their pain, most people need a safe place to let their feelings come up, express their feelings when they are ready, and to be heard. Being heard provides the feeling of validation. There’s no need for a discussion of facts or comparison of experiences or even of agreement. A wonderful expression of how important it can be to listen follows.
JUST LISTEN
I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it’s given from the heart. When people are talking, there’s no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they’re saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don’t value ourselves or our love enough to know this. It has taken me a long time to believe in the power of simply saying, “I’m so sorry,” when someone is in pain. And meaning it.
One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they had once had something just like that happen to them. Subtly her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer talk about the relief of having someone just listen.
I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for the tissues, until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.
This simple thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went against everything I had been taught since I was very young. I thought people listened only because they were too timid to speak or did not know the answer. A loving silence has more power to heal and to connect than the most well intentioned words.
Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.
Kitchen Table Wisdom, Stories that Heal
Riverhead Books, N.Y. 1996
Pages 143-144
BITTERSWEET Animal Hospice & Grief Recovery ~ 707) 965-9304 ~ © 2008